Favorite Quotes

“The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.”

” The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.”

“Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant”

“like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?”

“To steal ideas from oneperson is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”

“he sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.””

“Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.”

“We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.”

” To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.”

“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”

” Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”

” When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.”

” Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.”

“Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.”

“even samurai have teddy bears and even the teddy bears get drunk”-?”

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect”. – Steven Wright ”

“The sincerest love is the love of food.”- Bernard Shaw”

“Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.” -? ”

“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”- Mark Twain ”

“The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left”. – Jerry M. Wright ”

“I swear to drunk I’m not God”

“They laugh because we’re losers…We laugh because they just figured it out.”

“Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.”

“The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.”

“The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.”

“If aliens are looking for intelligent life?! WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!”

“Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese”

“I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.”-unknow

“I want to go to Egypt and Japan and open orphanages… a chain of them.”Lindsay Lohan

“Have no fear of perfection–you’ll never reach it.” -Salvador Dali


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